Academics

Last term was one of the worst in my high school career. I did way below my average and as a result, suffered at home too. I've always been an extraordinary student going the extra mile to get the extra points and get the higher percentage grade. It's always been that way, ever since I was in elementary. As a result also, my parents have learned to put me on a higher pedestal as I'd like to call it, always challenging me to do even better, something I've never had an issue with. I've always heard that Junior year is the toughest and I was okay with that because it's what colleges look at most. Being in three AP courses along with three other challenging courses, I knew well before the school year started that this was not going to be easy but I also wasn't prepared for how hard I'd have to work but now, I know. It just took me the first term to realize how hard I must work. One of my biggest issues was my lack of time. I never had time during fall term because I had work, basketball cheerleading, Iowa Elite cheerleading, and volunteering at the hospital. It was way too much for me to come home at 11 at night on the weekdays and try to stay up and do homework, get to bed at 1, and then wake up the next day to do it all over again. So, I had to give up some things, most of those things being homework. Another big issue was my priorities weren't straight. I put my boyfriend first, friends and family second, cheerleading third, and school somewhere lower than that. I didn't do my schoolwork because I didn't care and I thought I could breeze by as I had in the past and been okay. But being in three college courses proved to be much more than that. Now that I've got a better hold on my life, eliminated the boyfriend, and managed my time more my grades have extremely improved. Last term, I got a 3.5 and this term, nearly one month left, I have a 4.43, that's the highest I have ever gotten in my high school career plus it's in one of the toughest semesters of the toughest year of high school. Least to say, I'm very pleased with myself because I've really learned alot about myself and my study habits and I guess I've realized that if I can prioritize, do my studies first, and let other things not distract me during homework then I can truly be successful. I guess I've realized, through all of the hardships I've faced, that:

"Success doesn't come to you...you must go for it."

--Marva Collins

That's what I've realized. That I've had my life handed to me on a golden platter and that I've frankly, breezed through school. I haven't pushed myself since first term freshman year when I thought high school wasn't as bad as it was hyped up to be. But I've also realized that if I don't make good study habits for myself now then I won't be as successful later in life and also I won't be able to make it through college. By preparing myself and challenging myselfn now, I'll make it easier by being used to tough work. Good strategy right? Here's my study tips:

1) Don't allow distractions-shut off your cell phone!!
2) Listen to calming music without lyrics (with lyrics will only make you want to sing along)
3) Take a break every hour or so
4) Create acronyms and catchy songs having to do with your material
5) Drink plenty of water- but not too close to your homework or you'll spill
6) Sit somewhere elevated and nowhere in your bedroom (will only make you tired)
7) Eat before and snack during
8) Review to yourself after you're done

Epitome of Dancers

The cheerleaders vs. the dancers. It's a common high school and even life situation. The cheerleaders don't like the dancers because they try and take the stage too often, they wear too tight of clothes, and dancing isn't a sport. Likewise, dancers don't like cheerleaders because they're voices are annoying, they're uniforms are too tight, and cheerleading isn't a sport. I know that I've done my fair share of discussing why I don't think dancing should be considered a sport and I bet many have done the same with cheerleading. I'll tell you right off the bat that I don't think dancing should be a sport and therefore, I am bias because I'm a cheerleader and believe that cheerleading should be considered a sport. But I'm not here to trash the dancers, okay maybe just a little because I think lately the school's been a little ridiculous when it comes to them. Our school dance team is going to Florida for nationals this upcoming weekend. They're competing in jazz, poms, and hip-hop and they think they've got a real shot at winning it. I know I'm not much of a judge but if you're off during practice, off during performances, chances are you're going to be off during competitions. But hey, that's just me maybe they'll pull through and actually win something for a change. Anyways, all the dance team girls cannot stop talking about it. Florida, florida, florida blah blah blah. I know that I get to go to Florida in a month for cheerleading nationals and have I made a big deal out of it? Not so much, except maybe on my blog which literally no one reads. They've been tanning so much I can't even tell what's real or not. They all look fake and they're becoming something they don't need to be. The other dancers from our town, Linn-Mar (cross town rivalries) are also going to Nationals but they've been tanning since the day they entered high school so it doesn't really change much for them. But I guess what I'm scared of most is our girls turning into those dancers. The ones who think they're all that by the way they walk, talk, and dance like little sluts. They piss me off and I hope to god our dancers don't become that just because Linn-Mar may win a competition for shaking their asses and turning on the judges. I think it's pathetic when you can get first place for shaking what your momma gave ya for two minutes straight and win a trophy? That has nothing to do with dancing at all and even I, a non-dancer, can tell you that the slutty dancers aren't dancers at all. Instead, they're little hyped up full of themselves self-loving whores. I'm being harsh though. WhileI don't know any of our dancers on a personal level, most seem to be pleasant and nice. Nothing out of the ordinary and only a couple I would consider a little more slutty than the others. But the Linn-Mar girls, don't even get me started. Whatever though. I'm writing this because the dancers are walking around like they own the school just because they're going somewhere big to compete. Big whoop. It's not that big of a deal or at least it shouldn't be and I'm sick of it. I hope they go down there, hit their stuff, come back, and realize what fools they made of themselves and maybe, just maybe, they'll actually start taking some dance classes or going to a ballet class, one that requires you to wear more than skin tight booty shorts and "dancers bra" (tight little sports bra). I just think I'd like to see more skill from our dancers and less showoffiness. I know I'm being harsh on them but I know they're harsh on us too. I guess I don't want their to be a rivalry but sometimes it's what makes cheerleading interesting. We all act like we're friends with each other but secretly sometimes we just wanna pull each other's hair out and telll each other they suck at the non-sport they do. I wanna see some skill from our dancers and I want them to focus more on making dancing a sport. I guess I'd like them to show me why dancing should be considered a sport and then maybe I'll change my views .But probably not. After all, I have very strong opinions none of which are in their favor being a cheerleader and all.

Signed,

-Pissed off Cheerleader

IF you for some odd reason wanna keep up on the dancers while they're in Florida, here's the UDA website:

www.UDA.com

Quest

This past weekend I went on a two day church leadership retreat for the first time as a leader and not a candidate. It felt awesome to be the head honcho for once and to be able to sit on the comfy chairs in the library. But most of all, my weekend was a perfect, much-needed get-a-way from the everyday hustle and bustle of life and it made me realize how much faith I've been lacking in my life. On Friday, we started out the night by having a team prayer and then doing some team bonding by chilling out, playing board games, and loading up on snacks and pop. It was good to get to know the people on my team many whom were old faces but some that were new. It was also good hearing the evening prayer and feeling as excited as I was about the weekend. The next morning we got up and ate some Panera and got ready for the day. I practiced giving my talk a couple times and it went well. Then, the kids (or candidates as they're referred to) began showing up. We got them situated in their rooms and then to the library so we could begin the wonderful weekend. We started out with some really inspiring, touching talks and then we split up into small groups where a couple team members got a little one-on-one time with a couple of the kids. My small group was pretty rocking and eventually the kids really opened up to one another. It felt good to hear what others had to say and to hear that I was not alone in some of the feelings I've been having but I think the best part of my weekend was giving my talk and really getting some positive feedback. I gave my talk about my family and how through them I have become me. I talked about what each of them does for me and what each of them is and how they have given me the characteristics that together create who I am today. I also talked about the struggles I have with having an alcoholic father and an alcohol brother, both with whom I find hard to love but support and cherish anyways. After, a girl approached me and let me know her father was also alcoholic and that she knew what I was feeling and she started telling me her story too. It was inspiring to know that she had enough courage to come talk to me, because I know when I had gone on the retreat the last couple years I was always somewhat shy. The girl and I bonded and from that moment on, I knew I'd have a good weekend. Saturday night we had reconciliation and I got to talk to one of the coolest pastors I've ever met. He easily understood me and he gave me awesome advice, most of which consisted of:

"You are doing just fine. It may seem like a boy or a game or something means the world to you, but in reality you're just growing up. It's a part of life. You'll win some, you'll lose some. But overall, those who are meant to be in your life will stay and those who aren't will vanish. As for you, you're normal. You're average. And that, that is perfectly okay. The lord loves you."

He really got to my level, he used things that could relate to me and he made me laugh. I hope to be able to speak with him again and potentially even go to him for reconciliation services. After that, was the dance which I ended up having a blast at. I let it all go and hardcore rocked out to just about every song under the sun. I didn't even care if I looked half way retarded or goofy or anything, I just kept enjoying myself and being around the other team members and candidates. After that, going back to our rooms I got to know alot of the candidates in my room on personal levels and I met alot of new people, many of which I call friends now. But I think what was the best is that we had an in-depth conversation on faith and how it affects our lives. I know being a teenager I often lose sight of my faith in God because it never feels like he's there. The girls knew what I was talking about and we talked about how we could pray more and if we tried hard enough we could really see the influence God was making on our lives. He was teaching us about growing up and lettting ourselves learn and it felt good to finally open up about my faith and be able to share it with very supporting girls. The next morning, we had some more bonding time with our small groups and the large group as a whole, we had mass, and then it was time to say our goodbyes. After all the candidates left, the team met for a little feedback and criticism time and then it was also our time to say our goodbyes. It was sad because I felt like alot of the people I met had become my best friends. Along with a lot of phone numbers, I got alot of hugs and I'll miss yous, and we need to hang outs. But I also got one of the most positive experiences of my life: feeling the presence of God. I know now that he's there. I may not see him, but he is present in my life forever and for always and I know now that he's always been and will continue to be a big influence on my life. I also learned that it doesn't matter what school you go to, who your friends are, or what you wear, faith is for everyone. I feel like I have a new family when I have faith in my life and it's one of the best feelings in the world. I sincerely hope next year I get elected again to go on Quest and hopefully make more memories and strengthen my relationship with God.

Nobody Cares

It's easy to feel alone in the world. It's easy to say I'm never going to find anyone, I'm so lonely, I'm not anything anybody wants. It's easy to say I'm a nobody. But it's even easier to sit back and let your self-image rot like an apple. And it's the easiest to do nothing about it. That's what I've been doing at least. I've just been screwing around with my life letting whatever happen and totally not caring about myself or those that surround me. I've let my self-image once held so high be put down to the bottom of the sea forever enveloping itself in some type of mushy corral and doing nothing about it. To put it simply, I've been a little lazy and neglectful of some much needed TLC on the whole self-image thing. I guess one big issue I have is the haunting fear that Valentine's Day is nearly two weeks away and I don't even have a valentine. Not that I usually do but lately it feels like EVERYONE is in a relationship besides me. And it sucks. And it brings back the memories of past relationships with boys on Valentine's day. Take my freshman year for example. I was dating Ryan for about eight months and we had one of the best talks ever. We ate dinner, a fancy one, we watched movies, and we told each other how much we liked each other. Or, take last year for example, I was with Matt whom I had a major crush on and we spent the night rocking to tunes in his car. I've always had good experiences on Valentine's Day and always spent them with boyfriends or crushes. But sadly, this year it's looking like me, myself, and I are spending a lovely evening by themselves at the home with a box of chocolates or ice cream or something along those lines. It's gonna be awesome. NOT! I'm thoroughly dreading it. But anyways, I guess it's also reminding me of how alone I feel. Lately, there's been no guy action in my life. Okay, yes there's Joel who also has a girlfriend but talks to me all the time so I'm not sure what to think. Then, there's Alex who wants a "second chance" but I'm not so sure I want to get myself involved again and then, there's Ryan who texts me randomly when he's drunk but swears he misses me. I know it's a load of bull crap but he makes me miss him around this time of year. It's stupid to say that because I know that if it was meant to be it would find it's way. But whatever. I guess I've just realized my best friends are in serious relationships and I'm left out in the cold to dry. And I know I've been a little bit naggy about the loss of interest my friends will not stop telling me to shut up, saying that nobody cares. But I care! I wish it would change. I wish I could have someone in my life whose going to say all the right things at the right times. Who can give me that mushy gushy stuff and horrible smelling flowers on Valentine's Day all just to remind of how much I mean to to them. But life doesn't contain many fairy tales. Instead, it contains a handful of good stories, tragedies, hardships, and bad things. My world is spiraling downwards in a deep depression. I feel like going in a tunnel, crawling up, and giving up on life. Okay, don't take this the wrong way no suicide attempts or anything it's just lately it feels like there's nothing to live for in this world. Nothing to be a part of, nothing to cherish, nothing to love, nothing to feel but emptiness. Loneliness. And feelings of separation and ultimately, depression. I wish I could explain to you how this all came about but it's suddenly hit me. I am feeling alone. I hear those commercials about depression and I feel like they're talking directly to me. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to be alone. But obviously that's way to much to ask. So nice boy if you're out there waiting, wondering, and looking for a nice girl to bring home to the rents or even just to have a simple discussion on what relationships are to you, or maybe you're looking for what I am: a nice Valentine's day to enjoy. Well, I'm right here. So find me Cupid, strike me once maybe twice just in case and hit me hard with the lovebug. That's all I'm asking. To not be alone. SOS.


This song hardcore reminds me of a song by Rhianna, listen to it!:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qkPn5VNMgE

Stupid High School Rumors

I'm sure I'm not the only victim of vicious high school rumors either about me or somehow related with my name. They cause so many issues for everyone and seriously unneeded. Drama is something that consumes most teenage girls life. It's always about boys too. I personally try and keep myself clear of this as I know the damage it can do. I've befriended all of the girls on my cheerleading team and formed close friendships with each. I've known the gossip that they talk. I know their lives and I also know or I thought I knew that they'd never involve me in the stuff they talked. But, I was wrong. High school girls are catty. They're always trying to make themselves look better by putting others down. It makes me sick thinking of the numerous things I've heard about other girls, and sometimes makes me laugh to hear some of the ridiculous rumors that go around about me. Likewise, Im sure other girsl have heard ridiculous things and have chosen to take them way too seriously then they need to be. But when things get mixed around and words and rumors get started, it's best to stay clear and I've learned that the hard way. The other day I was confronted by a classmate, whom is the boyfriend of one of my very good cheerleading friends. He simply told me that I needed to stop running my mouth about his girlfriend and a guy she supposedly did something with. I was shocked that he accused me of it and immediately I jumped to the defensive. Of course I wouldn't say that and it's absurd to think I did. It really upset and hurt me that he would think I would do that and it made me realize how bad of a friend some people really are. The true person who started the rumors, which I'm going to assume are two girls that will go unnamed, involved my name because they had told me about the rumors and when it came to it they didn't want to get blamed and that's where my name came in. It sucked to get accused, but I realized it must have sucked even worse for Amy to hear that I had started bad rumors about her. First off, you don't know who this girl is but she is the absolute sweetest person you have ever met. She never says bad things about anyone and she's always positive in the worst situations. She's always encouraging others and never bringing them down and here she was being brought down. I felt awful, just awful and sick. I hadn't said the rumors, but I had heard them and I had not stopped them and for that, I felt the worst. I didn't want her to think I would do that and I also wanted her to know how sorry I was for not stopping them when they came my way. Though we talked it out, it taught me an important life lesson that I'd like to share with everyone in hopes that they can not only learn from my experience, but help preach to the choir. This lesson and advice was given to me by Amy and I think she really speaks a good word.

"Names attached with rumors are just as fake as the rumors themselves!"

She's right. Rumors are fake that's why they're given the name rumors but the people who start them are even more fake. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm a perfect little angel because god knows I'm far from that and yes, it's hard to admit I've dealt with my fair share rumors sometimes helping them along and for that I truly do feel sorry. I've let myself get caught up in the drama of high school rumors and I've allowed myself to spread the rumors. But I'm done with this b.s. and I've made a vow to myself to try my best to stay out of rumors because that's all they are. Nothing to consume your life with and nothing you should have to worry about. Be you for you and don't let the rumors get inside your head. People will understand and realize the true you not because of rumors or because of what they've heard but because of the way you treat them. And those who allow themselves to judge others based on rumors, don't deserve to be your friend. I've learned the hard way that even when you don't directly start the rumors, they can easily be associated with you and it can put others down and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. So, I say, goodbye and gooday to rumors cus I am
D-O-N-E!
:)

In with the Old, Out with the New

"Out with the old, in with new."

It's a classical saying with classical meaning. When things or people get too old or boring, broken or too much to handle, you simply rid of them and bring new in. I've lived by this quote in my life. I change alot. I change my friends, my wardrobe, my room, even my hair. It's always been okay for me to get rid of old things and opt for new ones because eventually the old just keeps getting older and the plasticity of new objects makes you want them even more, or at least that's the way it is for me. Living by this quote has made me realize also that the world in itself is constantly changing and that newer ideas, newer versions, newer gadgets approach the market everyday. No one's happy with their 32 inch TV because the neighbors have a52 inch TV. The iTouch isn't enough when there's the iPhone. It's like no matter what you do, you're never going to have all the latest and greatest, because the latest greatest becomes the oldest and outdated in a matter of minutes. I've never fully lived in style, but I've kept up with fashion trends and whenever something no longer fits the attire and look I want to pull off, I get rid of it and end up wasting $20 on a shirt I thought I NEEDED when in reality, it was good for a couple weeks if that. My mom made a New Years resolution for her, my dad, and I to write down each time we make a purchase listing what it was and how much we spent. I thought the idea was ludacris, why did I of all people need to keep track of my money? It seemed ridiculous to me and I thought she was trying to accuse me of overusing my money. I was proven wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, when I write down that stuff it reminds me of what a waste it is. I spend so much money on food and little things and half of it isn't even a belonging I still have. I've realized money is my source of happiness. Eating out is my source of happiness. And buying new clothes or new shoes is my source of happiness and that's just not okay anymore. My happiness should come from the people in my life. My job, my career, my hobbies, my everything and I can't even believe I've let that slip away. I've changed alot this past year, spending too much time and money on things that should be of little importance to me. I've realized alot of this and decided that I do need to change. But not newly, but rather back to the old. It's synonymous with the saying In with the New out with the old, but I've rearranged it to:

"In With the Old, Out with the New"

It's about becoming myself again. Becoming the person I used to be. The one that loved her family dearly, played with her sisters, rarely fought, and always gave. I want to change who I am. Not because I am not okay with who I am, but because I miss the way I once was. That's why I've decided to dye my hair back to its orginal color: blonde. It makes my feel more like myself and it reminds me of who I want to become again. I know it won't be easy to just switch it back. It's going to take a hair appointment, some money, and some courage as I have gotten used to the brown color. But when the roots match up, it will make me feel so much better. Not only that, but it will make me more whole of a person. Imagine that, me talking about some physical attribute I wish to change. Sometimes I feel like one of those fake Barbie dolls. The ones that I hate, despise, and truly loathe for all of the fake things that make up a fake person and yet I'm changing me. But not me as a person, just me as me to become more me. Okay, maybe a bit too much usage of me, but it's what has to be done to change. I've also realized that changing is what makes this world run. While sometimes change can be in negative ways like never thinking you have enough money or good enough material objects, change can also be positive. Take for example, Haiti, who has just been hit by a massive earthquake. People from all over the world are pitching in to help. Instead of taking their money and spending it on vacations, new clothes, or new shoes they've used it to help the people rebuild. It's inspiring to know the whole world has got your back in time of need and it makes me feel like the world is a closely knit family, one that I hope to enjoy for many years to come. And with that, I feel safer in saying that change is change both good and bad. You can either learn to live or live to learn with yourself. And that's what I need to do. Live and learn and accept the changes in my life.

Now That's Dedication!

As I told you before, I had a huge cheerleading competition this weekend. The biggest one I've been at by far and probably one of the worst and best all combined into one. When I arrived at the gym Saturday morning, everyone was dead. They looked tired, uninviting, and cold. We all were tired but happy to get to go up a day early to do some shopping. But first, we had to warm up and do a couple full mark throughs. It's not an actual workout, more like walking through your routine, only we were in jeans and t-shirts. Not my idea of practice clothes. What sucked even more is that my jeans, cheap as they were, decided to rip on me and so I had ripped jeans at our morning practice and practically the entire gym got a viewing of my crotchal area and pink and gold undies. Classy right? Yeah so least to say I was a little bit upset. Plus, when we got on the bus it was crazy loud and all I wanted to do was sleep. But trust me sleeping on a bus full of cheerleaders and cramped seats that are so awkward and uncomfortable to try and somewhat lay down in, doesn't match up and instead I spent my bus ride memorizing song lyrics with Emma. It was weird how Emma and I were never really close friends on the team until a month ago when we became friends at a competition and now it's like we're connected at the hip at practice. We always have alot of fun and we put in some effort to see if we can room together at Nationals. But this is all besides my point. When we finally got there, I was starving but decided against eating because we were going out for team dinner. It was really fun being at the Mall of America but it's tough because you can easily get yourself lost. We had to refer to mall floor maps several times and my shopping group was a little less enthused then I was to go shopping. I still got my fair share of good deals, but we had to practically run to the dinner meeting place only to sit and wait for the other late late late people. We finally got in and sat down at Bubba Gump. I was excited to try the place because I am a huge fan of the movie Forest Gump, which is what the restaurant chain is based off of. But, I hate seafood so I was hoping to get some chicken fingers or something. Instead, we got to choose from four choices of: fried shrimp, fish and chips, cheeseburger, or caesar salad with grilled chicken. None of it sounded appetizing to me but when asking for a full menu, I was denied. So, I ordered the salad but asked for fried chicken so I could at least eat them like they were chicken strips. After eating and paying $22 per person (ridiculous I know) we got back to the hotel with ten minutes to spare before jumping back on the bus for practice. When we got to this gym, we stretched and warmed up and began to practice. It was hard. Everyone was unfocused and as a result the run throughs were inconsistent and failing. Not to mention we had two injured girls jump back in after a couple weeks of sitting out. After almost two hours, our coach sat us down and basically told us she had zero confidence in us, that we weren't performing to the best of our ability, and that we needed to work alot harder if we wanted to look presentable. Basically, before leaving the gym she told us to pray for tomorrrow. So, everyone got back in the bus in tears and anger. It was the worst seeing my teammates like this and knowing that I couldn't do much of anything about it. Everyone was pissed off and when we got back to the hotel, we went to our rooms sulking and hoping for the coming of the new day. When we woke up, spirits hadn't changed much and when we arrived at the competition, it didn't feel good like it always does. Instead, it felt incredibly sickening and I just wanted to go home. After four hours when warm-ups finally came around, our warm-up was just as crappy as our practice and therefore we were even more bummed and discouraged. Our coach told us to try as hard as we could and that if we tried hard enough, we could make that routine worthwhile! We stepped on the competition floor, my feelings of anxiety and depression momentarily gone and we performed full-out flawlessness. It was wonderful. Everything was left at the doors just before that mat and we felt like a team once again. One girl, Amy, was particularly inspiring to me because she recently had a borderline stress fracture on her ankle, practically at the point of breaking, been on crutches for a mere seven days, and she full out performed. That is truly dedication to the team and it made me inspired to work through my struggles and tragedies that often times I feel I'm all alone at. Seeing my team do that meant the world to me and no matter how we placed, I knew we had done our best. When awards came around, nerves were in the air. There were 7 teams in our division and guess what? We took first! Not only that, we took division champions, and then GRAND CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!! That's right folks, we scored the highest out of all the teams there and we won the entire competition. It was the BEST feeling in the world, especially after a weak practice and down-in-the-dumps night. Nothing could have stopped the incredible feeling I was having, and even though I'm getting sick, nothing can change how good I feel. I just want to keep trying even harder at practice and keeping in mind that Nationals is only two months away. And now, more than ever, we're gonna keep working hard and doing what we do. Being Champions!!! :)



Wanna shop at the biggest mall in America? Check out the stores! I recommend 5-7-9, Charloette Russe, Forever 21, and DEB!



http://www.mallofamerica.com/