Stupid High School Rumors

I'm sure I'm not the only victim of vicious high school rumors either about me or somehow related with my name. They cause so many issues for everyone and seriously unneeded. Drama is something that consumes most teenage girls life. It's always about boys too. I personally try and keep myself clear of this as I know the damage it can do. I've befriended all of the girls on my cheerleading team and formed close friendships with each. I've known the gossip that they talk. I know their lives and I also know or I thought I knew that they'd never involve me in the stuff they talked. But, I was wrong. High school girls are catty. They're always trying to make themselves look better by putting others down. It makes me sick thinking of the numerous things I've heard about other girls, and sometimes makes me laugh to hear some of the ridiculous rumors that go around about me. Likewise, Im sure other girsl have heard ridiculous things and have chosen to take them way too seriously then they need to be. But when things get mixed around and words and rumors get started, it's best to stay clear and I've learned that the hard way. The other day I was confronted by a classmate, whom is the boyfriend of one of my very good cheerleading friends. He simply told me that I needed to stop running my mouth about his girlfriend and a guy she supposedly did something with. I was shocked that he accused me of it and immediately I jumped to the defensive. Of course I wouldn't say that and it's absurd to think I did. It really upset and hurt me that he would think I would do that and it made me realize how bad of a friend some people really are. The true person who started the rumors, which I'm going to assume are two girls that will go unnamed, involved my name because they had told me about the rumors and when it came to it they didn't want to get blamed and that's where my name came in. It sucked to get accused, but I realized it must have sucked even worse for Amy to hear that I had started bad rumors about her. First off, you don't know who this girl is but she is the absolute sweetest person you have ever met. She never says bad things about anyone and she's always positive in the worst situations. She's always encouraging others and never bringing them down and here she was being brought down. I felt awful, just awful and sick. I hadn't said the rumors, but I had heard them and I had not stopped them and for that, I felt the worst. I didn't want her to think I would do that and I also wanted her to know how sorry I was for not stopping them when they came my way. Though we talked it out, it taught me an important life lesson that I'd like to share with everyone in hopes that they can not only learn from my experience, but help preach to the choir. This lesson and advice was given to me by Amy and I think she really speaks a good word.

"Names attached with rumors are just as fake as the rumors themselves!"

She's right. Rumors are fake that's why they're given the name rumors but the people who start them are even more fake. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm a perfect little angel because god knows I'm far from that and yes, it's hard to admit I've dealt with my fair share rumors sometimes helping them along and for that I truly do feel sorry. I've let myself get caught up in the drama of high school rumors and I've allowed myself to spread the rumors. But I'm done with this b.s. and I've made a vow to myself to try my best to stay out of rumors because that's all they are. Nothing to consume your life with and nothing you should have to worry about. Be you for you and don't let the rumors get inside your head. People will understand and realize the true you not because of rumors or because of what they've heard but because of the way you treat them. And those who allow themselves to judge others based on rumors, don't deserve to be your friend. I've learned the hard way that even when you don't directly start the rumors, they can easily be associated with you and it can put others down and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. So, I say, goodbye and gooday to rumors cus I am
D-O-N-E!
:)

In with the Old, Out with the New

"Out with the old, in with new."

It's a classical saying with classical meaning. When things or people get too old or boring, broken or too much to handle, you simply rid of them and bring new in. I've lived by this quote in my life. I change alot. I change my friends, my wardrobe, my room, even my hair. It's always been okay for me to get rid of old things and opt for new ones because eventually the old just keeps getting older and the plasticity of new objects makes you want them even more, or at least that's the way it is for me. Living by this quote has made me realize also that the world in itself is constantly changing and that newer ideas, newer versions, newer gadgets approach the market everyday. No one's happy with their 32 inch TV because the neighbors have a52 inch TV. The iTouch isn't enough when there's the iPhone. It's like no matter what you do, you're never going to have all the latest and greatest, because the latest greatest becomes the oldest and outdated in a matter of minutes. I've never fully lived in style, but I've kept up with fashion trends and whenever something no longer fits the attire and look I want to pull off, I get rid of it and end up wasting $20 on a shirt I thought I NEEDED when in reality, it was good for a couple weeks if that. My mom made a New Years resolution for her, my dad, and I to write down each time we make a purchase listing what it was and how much we spent. I thought the idea was ludacris, why did I of all people need to keep track of my money? It seemed ridiculous to me and I thought she was trying to accuse me of overusing my money. I was proven wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, when I write down that stuff it reminds me of what a waste it is. I spend so much money on food and little things and half of it isn't even a belonging I still have. I've realized money is my source of happiness. Eating out is my source of happiness. And buying new clothes or new shoes is my source of happiness and that's just not okay anymore. My happiness should come from the people in my life. My job, my career, my hobbies, my everything and I can't even believe I've let that slip away. I've changed alot this past year, spending too much time and money on things that should be of little importance to me. I've realized alot of this and decided that I do need to change. But not newly, but rather back to the old. It's synonymous with the saying In with the New out with the old, but I've rearranged it to:

"In With the Old, Out with the New"

It's about becoming myself again. Becoming the person I used to be. The one that loved her family dearly, played with her sisters, rarely fought, and always gave. I want to change who I am. Not because I am not okay with who I am, but because I miss the way I once was. That's why I've decided to dye my hair back to its orginal color: blonde. It makes my feel more like myself and it reminds me of who I want to become again. I know it won't be easy to just switch it back. It's going to take a hair appointment, some money, and some courage as I have gotten used to the brown color. But when the roots match up, it will make me feel so much better. Not only that, but it will make me more whole of a person. Imagine that, me talking about some physical attribute I wish to change. Sometimes I feel like one of those fake Barbie dolls. The ones that I hate, despise, and truly loathe for all of the fake things that make up a fake person and yet I'm changing me. But not me as a person, just me as me to become more me. Okay, maybe a bit too much usage of me, but it's what has to be done to change. I've also realized that changing is what makes this world run. While sometimes change can be in negative ways like never thinking you have enough money or good enough material objects, change can also be positive. Take for example, Haiti, who has just been hit by a massive earthquake. People from all over the world are pitching in to help. Instead of taking their money and spending it on vacations, new clothes, or new shoes they've used it to help the people rebuild. It's inspiring to know the whole world has got your back in time of need and it makes me feel like the world is a closely knit family, one that I hope to enjoy for many years to come. And with that, I feel safer in saying that change is change both good and bad. You can either learn to live or live to learn with yourself. And that's what I need to do. Live and learn and accept the changes in my life.

Now That's Dedication!

As I told you before, I had a huge cheerleading competition this weekend. The biggest one I've been at by far and probably one of the worst and best all combined into one. When I arrived at the gym Saturday morning, everyone was dead. They looked tired, uninviting, and cold. We all were tired but happy to get to go up a day early to do some shopping. But first, we had to warm up and do a couple full mark throughs. It's not an actual workout, more like walking through your routine, only we were in jeans and t-shirts. Not my idea of practice clothes. What sucked even more is that my jeans, cheap as they were, decided to rip on me and so I had ripped jeans at our morning practice and practically the entire gym got a viewing of my crotchal area and pink and gold undies. Classy right? Yeah so least to say I was a little bit upset. Plus, when we got on the bus it was crazy loud and all I wanted to do was sleep. But trust me sleeping on a bus full of cheerleaders and cramped seats that are so awkward and uncomfortable to try and somewhat lay down in, doesn't match up and instead I spent my bus ride memorizing song lyrics with Emma. It was weird how Emma and I were never really close friends on the team until a month ago when we became friends at a competition and now it's like we're connected at the hip at practice. We always have alot of fun and we put in some effort to see if we can room together at Nationals. But this is all besides my point. When we finally got there, I was starving but decided against eating because we were going out for team dinner. It was really fun being at the Mall of America but it's tough because you can easily get yourself lost. We had to refer to mall floor maps several times and my shopping group was a little less enthused then I was to go shopping. I still got my fair share of good deals, but we had to practically run to the dinner meeting place only to sit and wait for the other late late late people. We finally got in and sat down at Bubba Gump. I was excited to try the place because I am a huge fan of the movie Forest Gump, which is what the restaurant chain is based off of. But, I hate seafood so I was hoping to get some chicken fingers or something. Instead, we got to choose from four choices of: fried shrimp, fish and chips, cheeseburger, or caesar salad with grilled chicken. None of it sounded appetizing to me but when asking for a full menu, I was denied. So, I ordered the salad but asked for fried chicken so I could at least eat them like they were chicken strips. After eating and paying $22 per person (ridiculous I know) we got back to the hotel with ten minutes to spare before jumping back on the bus for practice. When we got to this gym, we stretched and warmed up and began to practice. It was hard. Everyone was unfocused and as a result the run throughs were inconsistent and failing. Not to mention we had two injured girls jump back in after a couple weeks of sitting out. After almost two hours, our coach sat us down and basically told us she had zero confidence in us, that we weren't performing to the best of our ability, and that we needed to work alot harder if we wanted to look presentable. Basically, before leaving the gym she told us to pray for tomorrrow. So, everyone got back in the bus in tears and anger. It was the worst seeing my teammates like this and knowing that I couldn't do much of anything about it. Everyone was pissed off and when we got back to the hotel, we went to our rooms sulking and hoping for the coming of the new day. When we woke up, spirits hadn't changed much and when we arrived at the competition, it didn't feel good like it always does. Instead, it felt incredibly sickening and I just wanted to go home. After four hours when warm-ups finally came around, our warm-up was just as crappy as our practice and therefore we were even more bummed and discouraged. Our coach told us to try as hard as we could and that if we tried hard enough, we could make that routine worthwhile! We stepped on the competition floor, my feelings of anxiety and depression momentarily gone and we performed full-out flawlessness. It was wonderful. Everything was left at the doors just before that mat and we felt like a team once again. One girl, Amy, was particularly inspiring to me because she recently had a borderline stress fracture on her ankle, practically at the point of breaking, been on crutches for a mere seven days, and she full out performed. That is truly dedication to the team and it made me inspired to work through my struggles and tragedies that often times I feel I'm all alone at. Seeing my team do that meant the world to me and no matter how we placed, I knew we had done our best. When awards came around, nerves were in the air. There were 7 teams in our division and guess what? We took first! Not only that, we took division champions, and then GRAND CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!! That's right folks, we scored the highest out of all the teams there and we won the entire competition. It was the BEST feeling in the world, especially after a weak practice and down-in-the-dumps night. Nothing could have stopped the incredible feeling I was having, and even though I'm getting sick, nothing can change how good I feel. I just want to keep trying even harder at practice and keeping in mind that Nationals is only two months away. And now, more than ever, we're gonna keep working hard and doing what we do. Being Champions!!! :)



Wanna shop at the biggest mall in America? Check out the stores! I recommend 5-7-9, Charloette Russe, Forever 21, and DEB!



http://www.mallofamerica.com/

MOA :)

MALL OF AMERICA! It's every girls dream to someday go to the biggest mall in the United States. I know when I went there in fifth grade, I felt on top of the world. Not only does it have five levels but it has OVER 500 stores! It's impossible and quite sad to say I haven't visited since then but I am more than overjoyed to tell you I get to go there this weekend and I am PUUUMPED plus I get to compete for my cheerleading team in the very center of the mall on Sunday. This weekend is the Mall Of America Competition in Minnesota. A two day trip up there. Saturday morning we leave and get to the mall at like noon. We get to shop and just hang out for five hours until we have team dinner at Bubba Gump, a place I've never experienced. Then Sunday morning we wake up and head back to the mall to do what we do best: perform. This is our third year attending this competition and we hope to defend our Grand Champ title we've held the past two years. I'm not the least bit concerned that we can rock it, it's just that this year we have newer and better competition and two of our girls are completely hurt and can't perform. It sucks because now we have to revamp half of the routine and we didn't have practice on Wednesday due to the weather. Last practice was satisfying but not as good as it needed to be and I'll admit I'm a bit nervous but nothing we won't push through. Chances are we'll practice a couple times on Saturday in the pool, out in the parking lot, wherever we need to to make sure we're prepared to win it. I can't tell you which one I'm more excited about, it's obvious that almost every girl you know LOVES shopping and what kind of unamerican would I be if I didn't? So of course I'm very excited to go shopping especially since I have over 200 dollars burning a hole in my bank account. I also know, however, that we're going to Florida in two months and I'll be needing a little bit more than 200 dollars to spend down there. So, I should be saving up but who gets the opportunity to go shopping at the biggest mall in the U.S. every day of their lives? I know I certainly don't so I'm of course probably gonna be burning some cash but I'll try and save some of it too. I'm also excited because this is my first year being on Co-Ed and therefore my first year competing at the Mall of America competition. While I know the gists of bigger competitions such as this one, I've never actually been there. This ranks top three in our biggest ones our coach told us, and for me it could be the biggest yet. I'm looking forward to seeing some other newer teams compete also and to figure out what level our team needs to get to in order to win first place down in Florida this year. It's a couple months away, but we've got to start practicing now. Anyways, while down there I hope to find a WPA dress and while we're on that subject who am I going to ask?!?! I know I've told you about Joel, the cute lover boy, whom by the way sang me songs on the phone last night haha but the down side is Joel does have a girlfriend and whether that's permanent or not is still up in the air, the day of WPA seems to be getting closer and hauntingly closer. We'll see what ends up happening. Anyways, I want like a strapless or halter dress I think and perhaps a more tightly fitting one because WPA is more about having fun and less formal than Homecoming. I'm getting sidetracked however, the main reason I'm writing about this competition is because it's potentially one of the last this season. We have approximately three more before Nationals and then I'll only have one year left. I hate thinking I'm going to be a senior next year but excited to see what awaits me in life. I guess being a competitive cheerleader is the one thing that has kept me young throughout all these years. Without that, I feel my youth is just up and gone away. Cheerleading is what makes me happy and something I intend to continue to do as long as I can, no matter where or how old I am in life. It's something that truly identifies me as a person and something I've become passionate about. It's not just about the uniforms, or the curled hair, or the white shoes, or the big bows, it's about the feeling I get when I walk into a cheerleading competition. The smell of hairspray, the mats, the competitive spirit, everything makes me wish that everyday was a competition. And it doesn't hurt to be undefeated champs. I just know it'll suck if something were to happen this weekend and we didn't place as well as we know we can, but I'm not going to even think about the negatives. Instead, I'm going to embrace and enjoy my weekend for all it's worth and be passionate about the one thing I love: Cheerleading!!

For information on joining IOWA ELITE:) visit our website:

www.iowaelitecheer.com

All Fessed Up

Last night, while at my less than boring and horrible job at OfficeMax, I became somewhat inspired by a fellow colleague of mine. I've told you before how much I thoroughlly hate working at Office Max because of a certain fellow co-worker and unfortunate manager of mine, Mike. Mike is what you call a grade A lazy shit. I don't mean in any way to offend any other people who eat fast food every day, do nothing at their jobs, and go home to play video games all night, but I do mean to offend him. Mike gets away with what he does every day because he is the weakest link. It's seen this way in every other co-workers eyes, especially the other managers and I'm surprised nothing has been done about it. At least until now. I know that Mike doesn't ever do his job or meets his expectations to the bare minimum. Why? Because he doesn't give a flying fu** about anything other than himself. It's ridiculous how self-centered one human can be and it amazes me to know that he is currently engaged to a woman four years older than him. Something has certainly gotta be wrong with her if you could fall for a man like that. Mike has always put me on the edge. I hate working around him, being around him, and knowing that when he's there he's the boss of me. It kills me to say that I have to be courteous and polite to him, most of which I absolutely loathe and in most cases attempt to avoid him every chance I get. I guess you could say I've developed somewhat of a dislike of him, okay I literally hate him. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way as Jenna does too, but as for the other co-workers well nothing has really been mentioned. I guess I'm missing the whole point of my story and simply rambling my frustrations so I'll proceed to tell you what has been done and what I hope will become of the current predicament.

Last night, while at work, I heard my manager Rob cussing. It's not unusual for him he has alot of seizures in his arm and gets bad headaches so I didn't think it had to do with work until he mentioned Mike's name amist all the vulgar language. I stepped into the office, curious to find what the ruckus was about, and hopefully join in some trash talking of Mike. I asked Rob what had happened and he told me that Mike didn't shoot the sorry tags like he was supposed to. Instead of shooting the aisles only if he couldn't find quantities of items, he shot all sorry tags regardless. This made a big issue for Rob because he had to go back, find the quantities, bring the items up, place them where they're supposed to, and THEN shoot sorry tags. A job that was supposed to have been done hours ago and now was going to take him a couple hours to get done with among all the other dutiful tasks a manager must accomplish in a five hour shift. I felt bad and offered to help and he said that it was okay, he was used to it. It really got me thinking about how much of a lazy person Mike is and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told Rob about my Saturday night at work and how Mike had sat there in the front of the store literally five feet away from me and made Jenna who was clear in the back come up to take the register for one minute while I used the restroom. Rob said he wasn't surprised and I just told him I dind't know what to do anymore. It upset me not only that I had to deal with this but that I couldn't do anything about it. Just then, I noticed Rob writing something down and when he finished he told me to read it aloud to him so he could see how it sounded. It was awesome. Basically, it was a letter to our store manager, Dan about Mike not shooting the sorry tags and a reminder of a phrase Mike always says whenever he thinks he's so cool and sells MaxAssurances and it is this:

"Just doing it the Murray Way!"

Everyone gets super annoyed when he says this and I just get pissed off and stop listening but Rob hears it too often and decided to quote that in his letter then wrote some more vulgar language and ended it with SOMETHING must be done! It felt good reading it aloud and hearing my complaints basically being put into words whether or not I had written them. Rob told me I should also write a letter if my issues had kept persisting, then I needed to at least give out a complaint. So, I sat down and wrote another letter to Dan. It felt so good every line made me think more and more and I fueled so many good ideas it took a couple pages. But when it was finished, it was pure genius. I'll give you a little summary..Basically I just stated what has all been wrong everytime I've worked with Mike, how lazy he is, how unprofessional he is, and how he hurts all of us as a team when he doesn't work. I also concluded by saying that the Murray way really meant a lazy way and that I for one didn't know how much more I could take. While I fibbed to Dan a little that my job did mean alot to me and I would hate to see myself leave, I also told him that if things kept going the way they were then they just might have to find a new cashier who can learn to put up with what I have. I just hope something can be done about the way I feel and hopefully the next time I walk in there Mike will be walking out with his fast food and a box of personal belongings.

Three Way

I thought I'd be just fine without boys. No big deal they're usually crappy to me. So, I've focused on my grades, my friends, and cheerleading as a way to keep my mind off the haunting fact that I'm alone. It's scary to think that I'm only a junior in high school but I feel like one of those single individuals whose never going to love someone their entire life. I'm a bubbly person, pretty fun and energetic, so why hasn't it happened for me? Why haven't I found who I am looking for? I want someone whose going to share the same views I do, who feels the way I do, and whose going to treat me right. Ha I know waay too much to ask in this day and age but things have been changing for me the past couple days and I don't even know what to do with myself. On Friday night, after our defeat of one point by cross town rivals Washington Warriors, everyone was depressed. As a result, no one was really doing anything after the game and it was a dead night. Since I knew then that the next couple weekends were going to be tough for me to hang out with people due to cheer and church, I had to take advantage of every night I got to go out. So I knew that no matter what, I was going to find something to do. I found my friend Kylie after the game talking to her ex boyfriend Evan who plays for Washington. They were standing there in a group of people with a couple other boys and girls. I was with Cassie and we approached them asking what they were doing when all of a sudden this boy in the group turns around. He was drop dead gorgeous. He had beautiful eyes, an awesome smile, and a wonderful look to him. He was incredible, it was like love at first sight for me. I got all nervous and clammy and I screwed up some of my words. Kylie could tell I was mesmorized and told me to stop staring. I knew I had just thoroughly embarrassed myself but I didn't care I had to know who this boy was. They decided they were all heading to Pancheros so we went there too and sat by them. After Kylie said a couple more awkward things, her and Evan and Mariah and their little possy got up to leave. I thought this was goodbye for me. But then, this guy that I had been talking to whose name is Albert said he wanted to chill with me and Cassie. Albert is this super nice african american guy who was hilarious. We became friends from the moment we started talking, he is so tight and I feel like we've known each other forever. It's like things just clicked for us and we've been best friends ever since. I never knew it was possible for girls and boys to just be friends, but it is. He's like my brother and vice versa. Anyways, they decided to hang with us and least to say I was excited. We chilled in Cassie's car for a bit and were gonna go back to her house when my parents called and insisted I come home. I was so upset until I told the boys about a party I was going to tomorrow night and they really wanted to come. So, we dropped them back off, I got their numbers, Albert made me kiss them both on the cheek (too long to even explain), and the next night we all met up again so I could bring them to this party that I was going to. I didn't mention this, but beautiful boy does have a name. It's Joel. I know amazing right? Anyways, Joel was looking good not a surprise and we talked practically the entire time. They had another party to go to but Joel insisted I come. What's a girl to do? I went with of course but when one of his friends talked about fighting I knew I had to back to the hotel and my dream night ended in spoils. Joel gave me a hug and that made everything okay. I returned to the party and the rest of the night I was on cloud nine. No other boy could flirt with me or get my attention, I was day dreaming hard core. The next day, Albert calls me and Joel is on the phone too! It was heaven. We talked for a couple hours before Joel said goodnight but me and Albert kept talking. It's funny how I've known him for so little and already he knows so much about me. We're like the best of friends, everything is okay, nothing's awkward between us, I can talk to him about anything..even Joel. So we talked about it and I guess Joel is complicated with his ex girlfriend but was going to talk to her the next day to figure out what was going on. I was a bit let down, but I didn't let it get to me. The next day we hung out again and that night Albert went to bed early but Joel called me JUST ME and talked to me for two hours. I've never been happier to stay up late on a school night then I was that night. I didn't even care that I had to wake up in six hours, this meant so much to me. This happened again last night until Joel and I got into a conversation I've been thinking about ever since. We were talking about relationships and such and he asked me what my status was. I replied single but looking and he said as of today...in a relationship. Awkward silence. More awkward silence. Silence..He breaks it. What's wrong? I made you mad didn't I? How was I supposed to tell him? It didn't matter anymore. He was taken and that was that, or so I thought. He has a way that speaks to me. I don't know how to describe it, there aren't words that can say how I felt. And so, I spilled my guts to him becauseI didn't know what else to say. Because he told me to tell him how I felt and I did and you know what it felt really good. He told me that he still wants to talk to me and just see where things go. I couldn't tell you how happy I was, because Joel this super sweet super awesome super cool super everything guy actually wants to talk to me. So I've decided that I don't really care if he has a girlfriend because as my mom best puts it..

"What's meant to be will find it's way."

I Hate OfficeMax

A kid's first job usually sucks, I'll admit that. Few kids can ever recall what they liked of their job but instead can just remember where it was. I'm going to assume you can all remember where you first worked and what you did, but if you did or didn't like it probably doesn't come to mind because you were just happy to have a job right? Well, while I am happy that I do have a job and can work for money, it sucks so much and last night made me realize how much I want to quit and find a new. Every ounce of me had to hold myself back from walking out last night. It was epic. There's one manager in particular whom I dislike simply because he's not even a manager or at least he doesn't act like one. The floor associates, or the sales guys on the floors are usually supposed to be doing work when not with customers and it's pretty dead on Saturday nights so they can get lots done for the upcoming week of sales. Instead, the floor associates and the manager all of which are close friends talk about videogaming, Call of Duty, and drinking. It consumes most of their nights together: standing around talking, laughing, and not doing jack shit. They never get in trouble for doing things that normally would be considered bad in a manager's eye like having their phone on their person or stealing food and drinks and just eating everywhere. They don't have to do anything, listen to anyone, or help customers. It looks stupid when I am standing at the register ready to help customers and all they hear is the idiotic laughter of the team members just standing around who let the customers walk on by like it's no big deal and they don't need help. At OfficeMax, I'd like to think we all work together as a team and as a team, it looks bad when people aren't doing anything. You may say I'm just being idiotic, but I'm not the only one who sees it. Jenna, the person who works at the back copy center, had to come up and help customers when the guys were standing around. She is potentially the only other person who sees my frustration. We both get super pissed off when these nights happen and it's not like last night was a first time thing. It always happens when Mike is the closing manager and Mike and Kenny are working. That's not even all of it. What pisses me off the most is that they can get away with whatever, but the second I have my phone out or am not doing something productive, am caught sitting down, or looking frustrated I get yelled at. How can you yell at someone for something another person is doing two feet away. It's just not even fair. I've honestly had all I can take. When they're standing literally two feet away from the register and they can't take over for two seconds while I run to the bathroom, something is seriously wrong. Jenna had to come all the way up to the front to the register so I could go to the bathroom. It took me maybe one whole minute and they couldn't even handle that? If you don't want to do work, don't get a job where you have to do work it's as simple as that. I've never been so upset with work as I am now and currently am filling out several applications to restaurants and various other places, I want and need a new job. I don't know how much more I can take to be completely honest. Every time I walk in and see the face of Mike the manager, I am angered and know my night is gonna be the way dread it is. There's few things that are holding me back from quitting. 1)They're very flexible with my schedule and I'm scared that if I quit and look for a job elsewhere, I won't find one that will work for me. 2)The other managers that work there are really cool and down to earth and when they're the manager on duty, things are definitely okay. 3) as much as I hate Mike, I can usually get away with using my cell phone. 4) I like the supplies at OfficeMax.

I'm sorry for freaking out to all of you, I know you probably could care less or think I'm annoying for all of this but I needed to vent and get all my frustrations down in words. I gues you could say, I'm more than fed up. Hence why I say, I HATE OFFICEMAX.

If you wanna know anything about applying for my job as a cash register because you wanna be somewhat miserable, here's some career info. on how to apply at OfficeMax:
www.officemax.com

A Note On Faith

“Love is patient; love is kindand envies no one.Love is never boastful,
nor conceited, nor rude;never selfish, not quick to take offense.There is
nothing love cannot face;there is no limit to its faith,its hope, and
endurance.In a word, there are three thingsthat last forever: faith, hope, and
love;but the greatest of them all is love.”

Psalms:34:22

This is one of my favorite quotes from the Bible. No, I haven't read the actual bible but I've been enough church classes, heard enough sermons, and seen enough on various internet sites to have a selection to choose from as my favorite. I don't know if I've ever spoken about my faith to any of the followers so I guess I'll start now. I am a devout Christian Catholic and I attend St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in Hiawatha, IA. My family's not the best at going to church services but we get to Sunday mass at least once a month. My mom used to be my religious education teacher and we'd have classes every Wednesday since I was in 2nd grade up until my sophomore year in high school when I finally got confirmed. The process wasn't easy however as I sat through over 20 hours of lectures to do go through a one night mass. Anyways, not the point. The point is: I have never really been involved in church and until recently I never thought it was that big a deal. You never hear kids our age talking about their next youth group meeting or the next church retreat they're going on, things just don't happen that way because kids our age don't talk about faith. It's brushed to the side and not discussed and I've always wondered why not. I guess I've realized it's because kids are scared of sharing their beliefs. If they actually know something about the Lord they're afraid to say it because they don't want people to think of them differently. So I've kept my mouth shut, attended the church services I had to (rolling my eyes like every other kid seemed to), barely attempting to mouth the words of the songs, and otherwise keep faith out of my life until I realized, after being forced to go on a church retreat last winter, that I really did enjoy the youth group at my church and the activities we did. So, I became a part of the St. Elizabeth Ann Seton youth group, one of about 7 kids who stays involved with community service and does alot of church outings like retreats for younger kids or going on retreats for ourselves to learn more about God and strengthen our faith. Every retreat I have been on thus far, has been pretty powerful. They always seem to choose the best pastors. I remember this one retreat last year in Waterloo. It was held at this big stadium type thing and the pastor was this really cool african american dude who had moved here when his parish got flooded out in Louisiana. He gave a sermon on hope and peer pressure and his words really spoke to me. He knew what to say to get through to us and he kept in our terms. It seemed weird to sing in front of others, like actually sing, but I sang every single word of every single song at that retreat along with the hundreds of other kids that did too. I felt like I had made a bunch of new friends and I really connected with God.

When life has handed me struggles, I've never known how to deal with them. But now, everything's okay and whenever I do feel down in the dumps or kicking myself for something, I remember God and his love and courageousness for me and everything is okay. While it's been tough dealing with my brother and father, I've used prayer as a way of supporting them and showing them my unconditional love. Being connected with God has opened alot of doors for me. It's shown me the power in community service. I now volunteer at almost every chance I get and seeing the smile on someone else's face makes a world of difference to me. It's also shown me to forgive and forget. Before experiencing the wrath of what I consider one of the most powerful things that's ever happened to me, I held alot of grudges I'll admit. I kept enemies and I didn't try to make new friends or even keep up with old ones. I just was an angry person, one that sometimes I don't even recognize. When God has showed me the way, I'm able to let the past lay where it is and move on with my life. I'm able to forget what has hurt me in the past and look forward to what I can heal in the future. I've tried alot harder with my friends and have even been very outgoing to make new ones and now I'm just an all-around happier person. One of the best things I guess I've also earned from it is my experiences teaching others. Knowledge of your faith and God is something irreplacable and often times, taken for granted. When I'm able to share with other teens my age what I experienced, it's a great feeling.

With everything I've benefited from God, I've truly learned to deal with what he has given me. It's better to appreciate everything in my life and feel truly blessed. Every time I'm able, I try and thank the world for existing. For allowing me to be a part of it and for God who has helped show me the way in my faith. Just a little note for you all.

God Bless.

Disgusting Dentist

My teeth feel like glue, covered in paste, masked with disgusting smelling nasty mixture of chemicals. It's the sickest thing on Earth and it's given to me by some of the most hated people in the world, well at least for kids. I'm talking about the flouride put on my teeth at my dentist appt today.

We've all been to the dentist numerous times in our life. For me, it's every 6 months and I dread it the moment I walk in. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome dentist who is really nice and sweet and is always careful. It's just a matter of hating her job, picking at my teeeth with a pointy scalpel and other weird tools that seem to tear my mouth apart. Least to say, I despise my visits there which usually last around a half hour. I'd say I'm a moderate teeth brusher, I faithfully do it every night but sometimes forget about it in the morning rush. I rarely floss, I just think it's too uncomfortable. I've had a couple cavitites over the years, but nothing too serious. Today in particular, I was sitting in the waiting room. Sometimes that's the worst part: the wait. Sitting around looking at either the rather boring magazines or the children's books. Today was quick, I waited for less than two minutes. I don't mean to brag or anything but my family is well liked at the dentists office my sisters drawings are hung up all over the place so I usually don't have to wait around. While I like all the nurses or dental assistants if that's what you call them, I hate their job most. Today, I got X-Rays by biting down on pieces of straight up and down cardboard stuck vertically in my horizontal mouth. In case you couldn't figure it out it's not the most comfortable thing in the world. This nurse, Molly, with whom I usually have my visits with is always super nice but she keeps her T.V. on boring channels like the news or some cooking shows, BORING. Next, she proceeds to scrape the remaining plaque off of my teeth, with what feels like a super sharp toothpick and the screeching alone on my teeth could probably put me over the edge all on its own. Then, she puts this nasty gritty paste on each of my teeth, front and back and does a quite poor job of cleaning off the excess stuff with little water and what I call the breath sucker because all it does is dry out your mouth. The last part of the appointment used to be the most dreadful, and now it is just beyond gross. I don't know if you've ever tried this stuff raw but my suggestion is not to. Flouride is probably one of the foulest tasting substances that has ever touched my mouth. They used to put it in a tray and make you bite down and let the goo soak in all over your teeth for several minutes. Then once they take it off they pretend to remove the excess stuff but instead just spray it with water and air and make your mouth the dry desert again only this time it tastes gross. My dentist, however, switched over to a newer technique of using this pasty almost glue like substance that she "paints" on my teeth. Not only does it form a layer over my teeth, like gross plaque I feel like scrubbing off, but it scrapes off in layers too. The only advantage to this is that your able to eat and drink right away after, the bad part is you'll be swallowing chunks of it all night. Good luck keeping that down. I'd say on average, I throw up at least twice from that stuff. Okay, maybe not literally due to my phobia of puking but I do despise, actually loathe, wearing that stuff on my teeth for the remainder of the day. The best part is coming home, cracking open my new toothbrush and toothpaste, and scrubbing that sh** off. Nasty.

For me though, my dentist appt usually isn't a one time thing. I'll admit that I brush my teeth like every other human, sometimes forgetting or just lack of energy causes me to get some cavities. Like today, for example, I had another cavity they had to fill. I got a new appt the next day and I get out of school even more. The best thing about the dentist is scheduling my appointments during school. It's a good break every six months or so, and that is pretty much the only benefit to the dentist. That and the fact that my dentist has this really awesome box of prizes for kids who behave well at their dentist appointments. So what I'm sixteen years old and still like getting tie-dye bouncy balls or smiley face yo-yos? Don't judge. They make me feel so much better about the experience, like a young kid again, but at the same time different because my mom's not by my side. I guess I miss the days when I couldn't drive there because my mom would always take me and even though I acted embarrassed I loved when she came in the room and held my hand even last year. Whenever I felt a pinch or anything, I could simply grab her hand and everything would be okay. Which has led me to this realization: I hate going to the dentist, now more then ever, because it hurts and it sucks without her. I'd rather go through the pain of it with her at the bedside if I have to go through the pain. It may sound childish, but she comforted me in those times and made me feel good even somewhat happy about going to the dentist. But now I'm rambling and for lack of a better word, I'd just like to say YUCK. I dislike the dentist.

Chicken Noodle Soup

No, I'm not talking about the soup you eat when you're sick, I'm talking about the books. Have you ever heard of them? They're quite possibly some of the best books I have ever read. For those of you who don't know, Chicken Noodle Soup books are a collection of stories written by people from all over the world talking about life lessons including relationships, death, friendships, responsibility, peer pressure, etc. There's currently over 100 copies of Chicken Noodle Soup addressed to different groups of people. My dad has the Chicken Noodle Soup for the Golfer's Soul, my mom the Chicken Noodle Soup for the caretakers soul, and I have several copies: for the cheerleading soul, the teenage soul (two different ones), and just a regular Chicken Noodle Soup for the reader's soul. I usually get them for Christmas or from my grandmother who is an avid reader herself. Each time I get a new one, I make it a habit to read the entire thing in one sitting. It usually doesn't take long, maybe a couple hours but the stories intrigue me, each one being different and new. They've taught me lots of things and I've gained lots of insight and advice from these books. The very first one I ever read was my freshman year in high school, you know that lots of things change when you enter high school. It's when you're truly identifying who you are, what you want to do, and who you want to be remembered as. I know that I was confused as to what groups I should join, who I wanted to be friends with, and what classes I wanted to take. The first story I ever read was about just this. A girl entering high school with no clue as to what she wanted to do. She ended up trying out for color gaurd and made it and she made new friends out of this and ended up being in show choir and retained a good group of friends. The best advice she could give is to don't be afraid of letting your true self shine. Don't be afraid to do something you love, because you know you'll miss out if you don't at least give it a shot. This is what inspired me to try out for cheerleading and when I did end up making it, I began making friends with my new squad members and have loved cheerleading ever since. I feel as though each story provides a good moral or good piece of advice that can apply to any situations. No matter what story I read, I feel as though I can relate it to my own life. Lots of the hardships and struggles that the people go through I feel I've gone through too, and that's what makes the book so personal and real. The pieces having to do with tragedies are the most heart-wrenching but the best ones to read. While something sad usually does happen, it provides ways to deal or pointing out good things about the situations. These ones are usually my favorite to read.When it says the book is for the cheerleaders soul, I think it truly means it. First off, half the stories would make no sense to a non-cheerleader, using terms like stunting, tumbling, and straight legged jumps. Second off, each of the stories talks about cheerleading in some way shape or form. I guess one of my favorite parts of the book is that it tailors to you. At the end of each book there is a section about where to submit your own pieces of writing. I've always wanted to write and submit a story to the Chicken Noodle Soup authors, but have no idea what to write about. I guess my life is somewhat average, but there's many things that have happened to me that I could write about. Like my biological father being an alcholic, or living life with a step dad, with lots of siblings, about cheerleading, about academics, about many things. However, as I said before, my favorite ones are the heart-wrenchers because they're so heartfelt and most remembered in my mind. So I've decided that I want to write one of these to submit to Chicken Noodle Soup in hopes that my message and my story can touch and help others in their time of need. I'm going to be using my upcoming essay for AP Language as a draft and hopefully as the piece I'm going to submit. I've decided to talk about living with a father with alcoholism and how it has affected me in both good and bad ways. I guess I've realized when reading sentimental things, I get most inspired and now I hope to inspire others. God Bless.

New Year, New Beginnings

I'm sure we've all thought about the New Year one time or another this past week. While 2009 was great, it's time to put one foot forward and dive into 2010. With that being said, I'm sure we have all thought about New Years Resolution, as these are common the first of the year. Each year we try and do something for ourselves that will make our lives better. Like setting up a goal and using this new year to achieve what we did not last year. Many people set their goals as eating healthy, exercising, nonprocrastinating, or perhaps quitting an addiction like drinking or smoking. Each year my mother makes a New Years resolution to keep herself organized and watch her finances. This year in particular, she plans to "revamp" the house and get every room gone through, sorted, and excess stored in boxes. My father doesn't generally make New Years Resolutions, he claims he's "perfect". But even this year, he came up with one. To stay healthy and to be home more. Being as busy as he is with several organizations and practically two jobs, it's hard for him to be home alot of the time and he's missed out on alot of growing up from all three of us kids. On her Christmas list, my little sister Maggie put that she wanted more family time and so that's what she's gonna get my father says. He's doing a great job already. He comes home at about 7 each night and is always willing to help with homework, play some Wii, read books together, or just offer advice and encouraging words. I hope he continues this as it benefits all of us and it's a real joy to see the smiles on everyone's faces. My little sisters have even begun to partake in the resolution aspect of the New Year. Maggie, my little sister who is ten years old, plans to stay active. I'm not going to lie to you, she's gained a little weight the past year simply because she hasn't really been involved in much. It is not that she is overweight by any means, but she's not as healthy as she could be. The past couple months she started many things in her life like club volleyball, running club, and choir. All of these things, on top of academics, makes her a mini me it's safe to say and she loves it just as much as I do and so her resolution is to stay the way things are, keep herself busy, and stay healthy. My littlest sister Olivia, while only 9 years old, plans on finding something to do. She used to be a competitive cheerleader with Iowa Elite but this past year gave it up because she just didn't enjoy it anymore. Now, it seems she's always around the house and never has a single thing going on. So, with the New Year she wants to start a gymnastics class at a local gym and maybe even join a club of some sort at school. My friends have New Years Resolutions too. Cassie wants to not eat out as much and not eat so late, Mackenzie wants to spend more time with her friends and family instead of just her boyfriend Mitch, and Bri wants to join a gym and start working out. Everyone around me and in my life, has something new going for them this year they hope to achieve. In previous years, it's been easier for me to figure out something I don't like about my life and make a resolution to cahnge it. But thinking about it this year, I cannot honestly say there is anything in my life I don't like. I have an amazing family. Each and every one of them make each day worth living. Waking up in the morning to the smell of Mom's coffee and her always cheerful Good Morning makes me motivated to get up. My dad always encourages me to achieve the impossible, because he knows I can do it. My sisters look up to me as a role model and love spending time with me. My friends are awesome. I know I can go to them for anything and that they can do the same for me. All of them, make my life so much better. While I have a busy schedule, I would never give up a single activity I'm involved in. I absolutely love high schoool cheerleading and adore competitive cheerleading. I love being involved in my youth group at church, speaking at some events, and renewing my faith with God, and I love my school. I have great teachers, good classes, and yummy school lunch (okay, maybe I lied a little). I guess when I think about it, everything in my life is great because it revolves around me. And that's when it hit me, my life shouldn't be about living for me it should be about living for others. I wonder if my friends or family see in me what I see in them, I wonder if they count on me like I do on them, and I wonder if they love me just as much as I love them. Living life is not a one way street for me, there's several directions I can take with different paths but no matter what I choose the people in my life will be down whatever path I take. I am truly blessed and lately I think I've been depriving the people in my life the appreciation they deserve. I want them to know just how I feel about them and that they are truly the reason I wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night. So I guess this year my New Years resolution doesn't involve material things. I don't want to eat healthier (well I could but I think I have decent eating habits), I don't want to stop spending money (although I really should, some things I buy are ridiculous), and I don't really need to join a club or another organization. What I do need to do, is giving more of myself to others. I want to do some more community service. After all my community has given to me, it's time to give back to them more then I do. It's time to start showing the people I love just how much they mean to me and that I would go to the ends of the Earth for them. I want everyone to know I appreciate them and everything they do for me, but most of all I want to feel the same feelings. I want to know that people appreciate me, that people look to me for certain things, and that people love me. I can do this only by changing the ways I speak, act, and do to these people so that they can understand where I'm coming from. This 2010 year is going to be a great one I know it, my life will improve, things will change. I'll start new friendships, renew some old ones, and make every moment count. You know, life truly is a gift from God, something that I think we all take for granted. So I guess I'm gonna do my part in making God know that I appreciate the life given to me. And I hope to make that a resolution for the world. Material objects has become what run the society, what if all of them were gone? I think everyone needs to not take for granted what has been given to them, own up to their selfishness, and start giving to others. The world would be a happier place, but for me I just want a happier life. So bring it on 2010, hit me with your best shot. Give me some more. Give me LIFE.

Joyous Holiday Break!

Greetings to all and a Happy New Year! :) Hope all is well with all of you, things are well for me. I think I'd better catch you up on the latest and greatest herself we haven't talked in over two weeks. I've been doing just fine, spent my Holiday break with my friends and family, and got some great things for Christmas. All in all though, it's good to be back and rearing eventually you get sick of Christmas music, food, and gifts. Hard to believe I know.

So the first day of break was awesome. I slept in til about 11, got up and moved about the house, and went out that night with some friends. The next day, I worked all day til about 4 and went to Christmas Mass, followed by our traditional candlelight dinner, and the opening of one Christmas present, which I got a new outfit. The house was full of holiday cheer, my sisters were super pumped about Santa coming, and my parents were just happy to have us alll as one. We did not attempt to go out on the roads and look at Christmas lights as we usually do but we still had a great time together. I know it sounds cheesy that I could actually get excited about Santa coming, seeing as though he is just a spirit to me, but I was very happy for Christmas morning to come. That morning was the best of my whole break, but with no surprise. As much as it's not fun to get up early, I race out of bed that morning and we all run downstairs. After opening up our stockings (which usually contain some gift cards, candy, and underwear), we get to open one gift from Santa. Because I have three siblings there are usually four presents. This year, we got to open three of them while we await the arrival of our step sister, Katie who comes at ten each Christmas morning. We got a new PlayStation2 to play our favorite game that's been broken for half the year: Dance Dance Revolution. Then, we got Wii Sport Resort and Wii Fit. Wii Fit was the one I had wanted most because it can help you get in shape. In fact, my aunt, without dieting at all, lost 22 pounds by using WiiFit for 6 weeks thirty minutes each day and that is what I plan to do this year. Anyways, once Katie got here it was haywire. We got to go into the living room and open up our presents from eachother. My mom always does this stupid number game where she writes numbers and sometimes even letters on the presents to throw us off so we don't go snooping. It's clever but I dislike it! This year's was even more confusing than ever so I didn't even bother to crack it. When all the present opening was said and done, which consisted for me of clothes, gift cards, and shoes, we went downstairs and played Wii games and DDR the entire day. For me, Christmas has become much more than getting gifts, it has become the day that I spend with my family each year that we never fight or get angry with each other, but we instead embrace in one another's company. It's a good feeling being surrounded by my loved ones and it makes me appreciate the Holidays even more. So anyways, after Christmas Day, I proceeded to hang out with friends, go to Coralridge and shop it up, and meet new people at parties that I had never imagined myself going to. One of the biggest highlights occured on Monday when I went to an old neighbor's photography studio and got pre-senior pictures done. Not only was it good to see him, but it gave me more of an idea on what I want my senior pictures to look like. He was very encouraging, we got some great pictures as you can see above, and I am a senior model for him and will get my pictures done there this summer. It's weird thinking that next year I'll be a senior, even more weird that 'll be getting senior pictures and applying for colleges and looking for my life after this. One tragic thing happened there that day though as I locked my keys in my car. His studio was in Mount Vernon and to make matters worse no one could find the spare key at my house, so after deliberation my parents called a locksmith and he came and unlocked it, causing us forty dollars. Correction: costing me forty dollars. I guess I learned my lesson. 1) Always have my keys 2) Don't lock them in the car and 3) Make sure I have some spare sets in case anything does happen. It's funny, my dad and I argued for hours about who was going to pay this bill because I felt it was his wrong that he had lost my spare set the last time he used my car but he argued that it was my mistake. We had my mom's side family Christmas this past Sunday and this is where it went down. We set up a fake court with my aunt and uncles as the jury and we each told our story. The verdict?I have to pay for it:( Oh well, my car recently broke down and my dad had to pay the battery and installation costs so I guess were even. But enough about my hatred for the purple car, over Break I became even closer with my best friend Cassie, grown apart from Mackenzie, and closer with Bri, Alex, and Abby. All my nights (and I mean literally all of them) were spent with friends while my days were spent with the family. It was nice to not have to think about having such a busy scheudule. Not worrying about what time practice is, or what time I have to be there for a game, or anything of that sort just relaxation. While I did have a great time over Break, I think it's good to be back in the swing of things. It's weird being back on schedule but good all at the same time. I've gone back to cheerleading practices, games, and academics and all is well thus far. Only three more months til Spring Break I keep telling myself, just three short months.