PERIOD.

I hate maturity. I hate the female menstrual cycle. OK, I'll be blunt I HATE PERIODS. I dread the day of the month my period arrives and cannot wait until the day it will end. Then, it's a month of bliss and in another month I get the distress of having to go through it all over again. It's times like these that I wish I was a boy. I know that with my period, comes many things and I'm sure other girls can relate to how I feel too. Anyways, today as you may have guessed it I started my period. I crave everything. I love chocolate when I have my period, so I usually have to find it anywhere in my house. Today, I found a granola bar in my room. I don't want to know where it came from or how long it's been there but hey it was fudge dipped and I snarfed it down. Other things I crave are weird. Today at lunch I craved cake. I usually HATE cake but it looked so good I just had to eat it. It's weird because all my cravings tend to be higher calorie foods, alright they're usually sweets. I don't know how to get rid of it either, but it always happens and I end up wasting money on this kind of stuff. Next with my period, comes the bloated feelings. I know that I'm supposed to feel bloated but when I'm on my period I feel downright fat. Suddenly, every curve of my body is an ounce of gross fat. I don't like wearing tight shirts or tight pants because they just expose what doesn't need to be seen. When I'm down about this, it doesn't make anything better coming home and eating more. Anyways, the next thing with my period is my mood. I'm always angry and in a really bad mood when I'm on my period and it sucks. I feel bad because I make a big deal out of nothing and usually end up taking stuff out on the people around me like my family and friends. I freaked on my mom today for making me go get the groceries out of the car, how dumb am I? My hormones feel so out of whack cus then I'll apologize and then, I started crying because of a test I took today. I don't even understand if this is normal. I get that my symptoms are pretty normal, but sometimes they feel to the extreme! I think I'm going to see my doctor the next time I start acting up due to my period. But can somebody please offer me some advice? Am I just exaggerating the symptoms and making a big deal out of nothing? Or is there something wrong with my menstrual cycle?! Help me Please!!


Wanna watch some chick freak out about her period?!? It'lll give you some chuckles:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga21RAQop8U

College Relationships

I'm not an expert on relationships. I don't have the best advice, can't tell you what to do during certain situations, or even tell you about the best date I've had. I don't have the experience, first off. And second off, I've been in like one serious relationship my entire life and I swore I was in love and that's about it. You know those first true high school relationships, yeah that's exactly what mine was. But; like all high school relationships those things come to an end and they're definitely not your happily ever after. I've heard better things about what's to come for my future relationships in college. They're more laid back, they're more fun, and they're longer lasting, or so I've heard. It's good to know that there are better results in future relationships, which is why I've chosen to write about them. One of my best friends my sophomore year of high school was a senior at our school last year. His name was Tyler Auman and it just so happens that we had somewhat of a relationship to our friendship. We both liked each other and we both knew it but we never acted on our feelings. As a result, I allowed Tyler to go off to college without experiencing what a relationship could be like with him and now that he's gone, I regret everyday I didn't stand up for the way I felt and just went for it because we really could have been something. I went to prom with Tyler last year and I had a blast. Over the summer, we somewhat drifted apart but we texted alot and stayed in touch. I visited him one last time before he left for college during the month of August. I brought him a framed picture of us from prom and wrote him a note too. I told him how much I loved him and how much I already missed him and that I promised, no matter the distance, we would stay close friends. When Ty and I began to say our goodbyes, there wasn't words to describe how sad the atmosphere was. We both knew how one another felt. We've talked about it several times and he knows that I have liked him and likewise, I knew the same. What hurt the most though, was that we did nothing about it. While we could have enjoyed the summer together, we wasted it on ourselves. While we could have been growing even closer, we allowed ourselves to drift apart. And while we knew we loved eachother, we didn't act upon it. So, that day of saying goodbye was extremely hurtful for both of us, especially when I was finally able to tell him how I felt. And when I did, it felt even worse because he told me how he felt too and practically matched. I know I should've been happy, but at the same time Icouldn't help but to cry. So, I did. After I left Tyler's house that day, I came home and cried. I cried because of what I had missed out on, I cried because of how I felt, and I cried because I didn't want to let go. Tyler had been my best friend, he was the one I always looked to for advice or just someone to talk to. And I never realized what he meant to me. I guess as the saying goes:

"You don't know what you got, til it's gone."

Fits my situation perfectly. I guess I really didn't know what I had, but now that he's away, I do. Anyways, me and Tyler still talk all the time. We're still as close as ever and we're more mature then we were. We both know that our feelings haven't changed. That I still love him, and that he still loves me but for the time being it just won't work out. He lives in Iowa City, that's thirty minutes away and when you think about it feels like forever away. I know that it wouldn't work out for the time being, and I don't want to risk what hopefully will be on trying to make it work on what could be right now so that's why we've decided to put off having a relationship until I enter college too. Because I want to go the University of Iowa like he does, it'll be alot easier to just wait until then. Because it's in two years maybe things will have changed. Either way, I know that being in college and having a relationship is going to be different than having a high school relationship. In high school, you spend your time at eachother's houses, in your basements, watching movies with your parents upstairs, maybe kissing, juvenile stuff really. You talk on the phone like you're five years old, you text alot because you know you couldn't say it in person, and you take pictures with each other to show off your relationship on facebook, and at school you flirt in the halls, talk occasionally, and go to each other's sporting events. It's all a never ending cycle. One that I haven't experience in quite some time. But, college relationships on the other hand are much different. You don't have to worry about your parents coming in or walking down, you get to be by yourselves. It's an actual independent relationship, more grown up, and less like high school. You can help each other with class work, but most of all you can help each other live and learn. I know that being in college, there will be several pathways I can take. Being in a committed relationship then, I know that I will choose a pathway in my best interest to where I see myself ten years from then. If I can honestly see myself with the same person, then I'll choose the path most closely related to them. I guess I've just realized that I know there's a rare chance I'll be together with somebody I've met in high school. There's a better chance, however, that I'll end up with the person I date in college. Because college relationships are one step closer to marriage. You're older, more experienced, better at having relationships then than I am now. I'm excited to see what the college life has in store for me, but even more excited for what the college atmosphere has in store for my relationship status. Maybe Tyler and I will end up together. I know how I feel now about him but what if it changes? It hasn't in a year, but what about another year or two. Maybe we'll still talk, be friends, or maybe, just maybe, we will be in a relationship. A committed one and in many many years to come maybe he'll be awaiting me at the end of the aisle, as my father lets go, and as he takes my hands, he says I do. And then we live, happily ever after in love.

Academics

Last term was one of the worst in my high school career. I did way below my average and as a result, suffered at home too. I've always been an extraordinary student going the extra mile to get the extra points and get the higher percentage grade. It's always been that way, ever since I was in elementary. As a result also, my parents have learned to put me on a higher pedestal as I'd like to call it, always challenging me to do even better, something I've never had an issue with. I've always heard that Junior year is the toughest and I was okay with that because it's what colleges look at most. Being in three AP courses along with three other challenging courses, I knew well before the school year started that this was not going to be easy but I also wasn't prepared for how hard I'd have to work but now, I know. It just took me the first term to realize how hard I must work. One of my biggest issues was my lack of time. I never had time during fall term because I had work, basketball cheerleading, Iowa Elite cheerleading, and volunteering at the hospital. It was way too much for me to come home at 11 at night on the weekdays and try to stay up and do homework, get to bed at 1, and then wake up the next day to do it all over again. So, I had to give up some things, most of those things being homework. Another big issue was my priorities weren't straight. I put my boyfriend first, friends and family second, cheerleading third, and school somewhere lower than that. I didn't do my schoolwork because I didn't care and I thought I could breeze by as I had in the past and been okay. But being in three college courses proved to be much more than that. Now that I've got a better hold on my life, eliminated the boyfriend, and managed my time more my grades have extremely improved. Last term, I got a 3.5 and this term, nearly one month left, I have a 4.43, that's the highest I have ever gotten in my high school career plus it's in one of the toughest semesters of the toughest year of high school. Least to say, I'm very pleased with myself because I've really learned alot about myself and my study habits and I guess I've realized that if I can prioritize, do my studies first, and let other things not distract me during homework then I can truly be successful. I guess I've realized, through all of the hardships I've faced, that:

"Success doesn't come to you...you must go for it."

--Marva Collins

That's what I've realized. That I've had my life handed to me on a golden platter and that I've frankly, breezed through school. I haven't pushed myself since first term freshman year when I thought high school wasn't as bad as it was hyped up to be. But I've also realized that if I don't make good study habits for myself now then I won't be as successful later in life and also I won't be able to make it through college. By preparing myself and challenging myselfn now, I'll make it easier by being used to tough work. Good strategy right? Here's my study tips:

1) Don't allow distractions-shut off your cell phone!!
2) Listen to calming music without lyrics (with lyrics will only make you want to sing along)
3) Take a break every hour or so
4) Create acronyms and catchy songs having to do with your material
5) Drink plenty of water- but not too close to your homework or you'll spill
6) Sit somewhere elevated and nowhere in your bedroom (will only make you tired)
7) Eat before and snack during
8) Review to yourself after you're done

Epitome of Dancers

The cheerleaders vs. the dancers. It's a common high school and even life situation. The cheerleaders don't like the dancers because they try and take the stage too often, they wear too tight of clothes, and dancing isn't a sport. Likewise, dancers don't like cheerleaders because they're voices are annoying, they're uniforms are too tight, and cheerleading isn't a sport. I know that I've done my fair share of discussing why I don't think dancing should be considered a sport and I bet many have done the same with cheerleading. I'll tell you right off the bat that I don't think dancing should be a sport and therefore, I am bias because I'm a cheerleader and believe that cheerleading should be considered a sport. But I'm not here to trash the dancers, okay maybe just a little because I think lately the school's been a little ridiculous when it comes to them. Our school dance team is going to Florida for nationals this upcoming weekend. They're competing in jazz, poms, and hip-hop and they think they've got a real shot at winning it. I know I'm not much of a judge but if you're off during practice, off during performances, chances are you're going to be off during competitions. But hey, that's just me maybe they'll pull through and actually win something for a change. Anyways, all the dance team girls cannot stop talking about it. Florida, florida, florida blah blah blah. I know that I get to go to Florida in a month for cheerleading nationals and have I made a big deal out of it? Not so much, except maybe on my blog which literally no one reads. They've been tanning so much I can't even tell what's real or not. They all look fake and they're becoming something they don't need to be. The other dancers from our town, Linn-Mar (cross town rivalries) are also going to Nationals but they've been tanning since the day they entered high school so it doesn't really change much for them. But I guess what I'm scared of most is our girls turning into those dancers. The ones who think they're all that by the way they walk, talk, and dance like little sluts. They piss me off and I hope to god our dancers don't become that just because Linn-Mar may win a competition for shaking their asses and turning on the judges. I think it's pathetic when you can get first place for shaking what your momma gave ya for two minutes straight and win a trophy? That has nothing to do with dancing at all and even I, a non-dancer, can tell you that the slutty dancers aren't dancers at all. Instead, they're little hyped up full of themselves self-loving whores. I'm being harsh though. WhileI don't know any of our dancers on a personal level, most seem to be pleasant and nice. Nothing out of the ordinary and only a couple I would consider a little more slutty than the others. But the Linn-Mar girls, don't even get me started. Whatever though. I'm writing this because the dancers are walking around like they own the school just because they're going somewhere big to compete. Big whoop. It's not that big of a deal or at least it shouldn't be and I'm sick of it. I hope they go down there, hit their stuff, come back, and realize what fools they made of themselves and maybe, just maybe, they'll actually start taking some dance classes or going to a ballet class, one that requires you to wear more than skin tight booty shorts and "dancers bra" (tight little sports bra). I just think I'd like to see more skill from our dancers and less showoffiness. I know I'm being harsh on them but I know they're harsh on us too. I guess I don't want their to be a rivalry but sometimes it's what makes cheerleading interesting. We all act like we're friends with each other but secretly sometimes we just wanna pull each other's hair out and telll each other they suck at the non-sport they do. I wanna see some skill from our dancers and I want them to focus more on making dancing a sport. I guess I'd like them to show me why dancing should be considered a sport and then maybe I'll change my views .But probably not. After all, I have very strong opinions none of which are in their favor being a cheerleader and all.

Signed,

-Pissed off Cheerleader

IF you for some odd reason wanna keep up on the dancers while they're in Florida, here's the UDA website:

www.UDA.com

Quest

This past weekend I went on a two day church leadership retreat for the first time as a leader and not a candidate. It felt awesome to be the head honcho for once and to be able to sit on the comfy chairs in the library. But most of all, my weekend was a perfect, much-needed get-a-way from the everyday hustle and bustle of life and it made me realize how much faith I've been lacking in my life. On Friday, we started out the night by having a team prayer and then doing some team bonding by chilling out, playing board games, and loading up on snacks and pop. It was good to get to know the people on my team many whom were old faces but some that were new. It was also good hearing the evening prayer and feeling as excited as I was about the weekend. The next morning we got up and ate some Panera and got ready for the day. I practiced giving my talk a couple times and it went well. Then, the kids (or candidates as they're referred to) began showing up. We got them situated in their rooms and then to the library so we could begin the wonderful weekend. We started out with some really inspiring, touching talks and then we split up into small groups where a couple team members got a little one-on-one time with a couple of the kids. My small group was pretty rocking and eventually the kids really opened up to one another. It felt good to hear what others had to say and to hear that I was not alone in some of the feelings I've been having but I think the best part of my weekend was giving my talk and really getting some positive feedback. I gave my talk about my family and how through them I have become me. I talked about what each of them does for me and what each of them is and how they have given me the characteristics that together create who I am today. I also talked about the struggles I have with having an alcoholic father and an alcohol brother, both with whom I find hard to love but support and cherish anyways. After, a girl approached me and let me know her father was also alcoholic and that she knew what I was feeling and she started telling me her story too. It was inspiring to know that she had enough courage to come talk to me, because I know when I had gone on the retreat the last couple years I was always somewhat shy. The girl and I bonded and from that moment on, I knew I'd have a good weekend. Saturday night we had reconciliation and I got to talk to one of the coolest pastors I've ever met. He easily understood me and he gave me awesome advice, most of which consisted of:

"You are doing just fine. It may seem like a boy or a game or something means the world to you, but in reality you're just growing up. It's a part of life. You'll win some, you'll lose some. But overall, those who are meant to be in your life will stay and those who aren't will vanish. As for you, you're normal. You're average. And that, that is perfectly okay. The lord loves you."

He really got to my level, he used things that could relate to me and he made me laugh. I hope to be able to speak with him again and potentially even go to him for reconciliation services. After that, was the dance which I ended up having a blast at. I let it all go and hardcore rocked out to just about every song under the sun. I didn't even care if I looked half way retarded or goofy or anything, I just kept enjoying myself and being around the other team members and candidates. After that, going back to our rooms I got to know alot of the candidates in my room on personal levels and I met alot of new people, many of which I call friends now. But I think what was the best is that we had an in-depth conversation on faith and how it affects our lives. I know being a teenager I often lose sight of my faith in God because it never feels like he's there. The girls knew what I was talking about and we talked about how we could pray more and if we tried hard enough we could really see the influence God was making on our lives. He was teaching us about growing up and lettting ourselves learn and it felt good to finally open up about my faith and be able to share it with very supporting girls. The next morning, we had some more bonding time with our small groups and the large group as a whole, we had mass, and then it was time to say our goodbyes. After all the candidates left, the team met for a little feedback and criticism time and then it was also our time to say our goodbyes. It was sad because I felt like alot of the people I met had become my best friends. Along with a lot of phone numbers, I got alot of hugs and I'll miss yous, and we need to hang outs. But I also got one of the most positive experiences of my life: feeling the presence of God. I know now that he's there. I may not see him, but he is present in my life forever and for always and I know now that he's always been and will continue to be a big influence on my life. I also learned that it doesn't matter what school you go to, who your friends are, or what you wear, faith is for everyone. I feel like I have a new family when I have faith in my life and it's one of the best feelings in the world. I sincerely hope next year I get elected again to go on Quest and hopefully make more memories and strengthen my relationship with God.

Nobody Cares

It's easy to feel alone in the world. It's easy to say I'm never going to find anyone, I'm so lonely, I'm not anything anybody wants. It's easy to say I'm a nobody. But it's even easier to sit back and let your self-image rot like an apple. And it's the easiest to do nothing about it. That's what I've been doing at least. I've just been screwing around with my life letting whatever happen and totally not caring about myself or those that surround me. I've let my self-image once held so high be put down to the bottom of the sea forever enveloping itself in some type of mushy corral and doing nothing about it. To put it simply, I've been a little lazy and neglectful of some much needed TLC on the whole self-image thing. I guess one big issue I have is the haunting fear that Valentine's Day is nearly two weeks away and I don't even have a valentine. Not that I usually do but lately it feels like EVERYONE is in a relationship besides me. And it sucks. And it brings back the memories of past relationships with boys on Valentine's day. Take my freshman year for example. I was dating Ryan for about eight months and we had one of the best talks ever. We ate dinner, a fancy one, we watched movies, and we told each other how much we liked each other. Or, take last year for example, I was with Matt whom I had a major crush on and we spent the night rocking to tunes in his car. I've always had good experiences on Valentine's Day and always spent them with boyfriends or crushes. But sadly, this year it's looking like me, myself, and I are spending a lovely evening by themselves at the home with a box of chocolates or ice cream or something along those lines. It's gonna be awesome. NOT! I'm thoroughly dreading it. But anyways, I guess it's also reminding me of how alone I feel. Lately, there's been no guy action in my life. Okay, yes there's Joel who also has a girlfriend but talks to me all the time so I'm not sure what to think. Then, there's Alex who wants a "second chance" but I'm not so sure I want to get myself involved again and then, there's Ryan who texts me randomly when he's drunk but swears he misses me. I know it's a load of bull crap but he makes me miss him around this time of year. It's stupid to say that because I know that if it was meant to be it would find it's way. But whatever. I guess I've just realized my best friends are in serious relationships and I'm left out in the cold to dry. And I know I've been a little bit naggy about the loss of interest my friends will not stop telling me to shut up, saying that nobody cares. But I care! I wish it would change. I wish I could have someone in my life whose going to say all the right things at the right times. Who can give me that mushy gushy stuff and horrible smelling flowers on Valentine's Day all just to remind of how much I mean to to them. But life doesn't contain many fairy tales. Instead, it contains a handful of good stories, tragedies, hardships, and bad things. My world is spiraling downwards in a deep depression. I feel like going in a tunnel, crawling up, and giving up on life. Okay, don't take this the wrong way no suicide attempts or anything it's just lately it feels like there's nothing to live for in this world. Nothing to be a part of, nothing to cherish, nothing to love, nothing to feel but emptiness. Loneliness. And feelings of separation and ultimately, depression. I wish I could explain to you how this all came about but it's suddenly hit me. I am feeling alone. I hear those commercials about depression and I feel like they're talking directly to me. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to be alone. But obviously that's way to much to ask. So nice boy if you're out there waiting, wondering, and looking for a nice girl to bring home to the rents or even just to have a simple discussion on what relationships are to you, or maybe you're looking for what I am: a nice Valentine's day to enjoy. Well, I'm right here. So find me Cupid, strike me once maybe twice just in case and hit me hard with the lovebug. That's all I'm asking. To not be alone. SOS.


This song hardcore reminds me of a song by Rhianna, listen to it!:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qkPn5VNMgE