Nobody Cares

It's easy to feel alone in the world. It's easy to say I'm never going to find anyone, I'm so lonely, I'm not anything anybody wants. It's easy to say I'm a nobody. But it's even easier to sit back and let your self-image rot like an apple. And it's the easiest to do nothing about it. That's what I've been doing at least. I've just been screwing around with my life letting whatever happen and totally not caring about myself or those that surround me. I've let my self-image once held so high be put down to the bottom of the sea forever enveloping itself in some type of mushy corral and doing nothing about it. To put it simply, I've been a little lazy and neglectful of some much needed TLC on the whole self-image thing. I guess one big issue I have is the haunting fear that Valentine's Day is nearly two weeks away and I don't even have a valentine. Not that I usually do but lately it feels like EVERYONE is in a relationship besides me. And it sucks. And it brings back the memories of past relationships with boys on Valentine's day. Take my freshman year for example. I was dating Ryan for about eight months and we had one of the best talks ever. We ate dinner, a fancy one, we watched movies, and we told each other how much we liked each other. Or, take last year for example, I was with Matt whom I had a major crush on and we spent the night rocking to tunes in his car. I've always had good experiences on Valentine's Day and always spent them with boyfriends or crushes. But sadly, this year it's looking like me, myself, and I are spending a lovely evening by themselves at the home with a box of chocolates or ice cream or something along those lines. It's gonna be awesome. NOT! I'm thoroughly dreading it. But anyways, I guess it's also reminding me of how alone I feel. Lately, there's been no guy action in my life. Okay, yes there's Joel who also has a girlfriend but talks to me all the time so I'm not sure what to think. Then, there's Alex who wants a "second chance" but I'm not so sure I want to get myself involved again and then, there's Ryan who texts me randomly when he's drunk but swears he misses me. I know it's a load of bull crap but he makes me miss him around this time of year. It's stupid to say that because I know that if it was meant to be it would find it's way. But whatever. I guess I've just realized my best friends are in serious relationships and I'm left out in the cold to dry. And I know I've been a little bit naggy about the loss of interest my friends will not stop telling me to shut up, saying that nobody cares. But I care! I wish it would change. I wish I could have someone in my life whose going to say all the right things at the right times. Who can give me that mushy gushy stuff and horrible smelling flowers on Valentine's Day all just to remind of how much I mean to to them. But life doesn't contain many fairy tales. Instead, it contains a handful of good stories, tragedies, hardships, and bad things. My world is spiraling downwards in a deep depression. I feel like going in a tunnel, crawling up, and giving up on life. Okay, don't take this the wrong way no suicide attempts or anything it's just lately it feels like there's nothing to live for in this world. Nothing to be a part of, nothing to cherish, nothing to love, nothing to feel but emptiness. Loneliness. And feelings of separation and ultimately, depression. I wish I could explain to you how this all came about but it's suddenly hit me. I am feeling alone. I hear those commercials about depression and I feel like they're talking directly to me. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to be alone. But obviously that's way to much to ask. So nice boy if you're out there waiting, wondering, and looking for a nice girl to bring home to the rents or even just to have a simple discussion on what relationships are to you, or maybe you're looking for what I am: a nice Valentine's day to enjoy. Well, I'm right here. So find me Cupid, strike me once maybe twice just in case and hit me hard with the lovebug. That's all I'm asking. To not be alone. SOS.


This song hardcore reminds me of a song by Rhianna, listen to it!:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qkPn5VNMgE